all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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