vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
where are you?
Hypothermia
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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