I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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