You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
