you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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