They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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