Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
