Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
