Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
