he puts the penis in happiness.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
