There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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