What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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