my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
