God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
