her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
