is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
