Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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