If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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