Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
