once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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