Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
