No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
