I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
