My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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