I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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