Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
