I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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