we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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