dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
