I wanna passion pit in your ass
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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