im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Someone stole a lamp last night.
ok first of all what the fuck
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
