I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
