Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
