Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
