you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
