My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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