just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
