i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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