Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
