I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
