my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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