Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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