MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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