Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
