I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
