I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
