so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
