I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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