K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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