I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
