I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
