dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The cops high fived after they tackled you
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
