Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
