I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
